Tuesday, 16 April 2013

I'm beginning to see the light...


For the second day in a row I have taken myself on a 10 minute sprint around Finsbury Park. Even after a few cigarettes and a pint tonight, I still maintained a good speed and deep steady breathing. There’s always a first. For so long I have watched joggers and runners, speed walkers and sprinters, take themselves on a lycra coated, sweaty meander through parks and streets of London. Everytime I giggle to myself thinking how foolish they are, whilst I wait for a bus, or am running late somewhere huffing and puffing. I now take back every jibe, every cat call that I’ve ever made after experiencing how invigorating it can be to take oneself on a little 10 minute race around the park. I’m enjoying running for the first time in a long time as I am not pressured with timescales or weight loss or personal bests. I’m not trying to get healthier or fitter, or for any other reason of gaining or losing. I am running, simply because I want to run.

Of course I am feeling the positive effects of doing this task. A reconnection with deep breathing; an elevated sense of awareness, and an attachment to my physical body. But more importantly, I’m just enjoying saying ‘I’m going to go for a run’. No obligation. No hassle. I don’t even wear running shoes.

I’ve started to meditate again, weather that be at home, on the bus or in a night club. I don’t sit cross legged, breath deep and chant Buddhist mantras, but merely reflect. I have rekindled my being with my surroundings and am allowing myself to choose who I let near me, or communicate with. I am managing to disengage from people I feel who would drain my energy, and engage with the ones who I can feel a fluidity of exchanges with.  I am in a very delicate phase at this moment and have to get back in tune with me before I allow myself to share to the world. I radiate a lot of energy and positivity and need to allow myself some of it before I carry on giving.

It’s all very zen, but makes perfectly good sense. I’m enjoying being proactive and steady.

‘We’re all mad here’

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